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We can’t go back to the way things were. We must consciously create a ‘new normal’. One shaped by both the positive and negative effects of this crisis.

As my country (New Zealand) prepares to loosen it’s restrictions again in the coming week, (opening schools, and giving our economy a fighting chance) I’ve been struck by how often I’ve wished to be there already. How often I’ve used the phrase ‘I just can’t wait to get back to normal’. 

(As if normal were a good thing).

Normal is gone though. And we must embrace that truth and move through our grief for a time that has passed. And then create and embrace a ‘new normal’. 

The ‘new normal’ is being built, brick by brick, on the lessons we are learning through this global crisis. Both at a governmental level, and an individual level. Policies and practices are changing, and so are people.

Every individual will face new normals built on their own unique experience during this time.

My hope is that my ‘new normal’ will not just be a reflection of the struggles I’ve faced during lockdown. But also of the things I’ve found to be grateful for. The good and wonderful things that have unfurled, despite the difficulty and trauma. 

These are some things I’m grateful for, that I hope will shape my own ‘new normal’;

My family

I guess it’s a no-brainer that this is at the top of the list. And although it’s cliche, I honestly doubted this would even feature on my gratitude list, after spending 6 weeks almost non-stop with them. 

As a strong-willed, independent introvert, I have caught myself wishing to be in a different ‘lockdown’ situation more than once. 

But I have also decided that I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else. They are my people. 

I’m grateful for a renewed sense of connectedness, in both the good and the tough times. Crisis connects people and strengthens bonds, and I will be forever grateful for that.

I’m also grateful for the chance to stop and do nothing (or anything!) as a family. Although we lived a fairly ‘unbusy’ family life, there has been something unique about this time. To be honest its felt a touch adventurous, a chance to chase some curiosities. 

We’ve tended to injured birds, made family art, and climbed literal mountains together. 

I hope my family’s ‘new normal’ can withstand the pressures of the modern world, and continue to foster this sense of togetherness that we’ve gained. 

The practice of ‘noticing’ 

This is something I’ve been working quietly on for the last few years. A mindfulness tool that grounds me and brings me into awareness of the present, instead of focussing on the future. 

I am incredibly grateful that I had started my practice prior to this crisis. My mental health has been challenged dramatically during this time, but the simple act of noticing the world around me, one tiny thing at a time, has stopped waves of anxiety from turning into full-blown panic attacks.

The practice has also built a cushion, or a sort of ‘winter store’ to lean into when things get rough.

Noticing a tree showing off it’s beautiful Autumn wardrobe, or neighborhood birds in our native trees gives me a sense that all is well within the universe. I feel as though I’m seeing the world naked, unburdened with humanity. And that at it’s core, it is okay. This makes me feel safe and grounded.

In my ‘new normal’ I hope to continue to grow my practice and to teach my children how to also see the world ‘naked’, and take comfort from it.

Friendships 

Despite my strong introversion, friendships and connection are paramount to a full life for me (and I believe for anyone). 

Being unable to enjoy a walk or coffee with the friends I cherish is taking it’s toll. Yes we’ve taken advantage of technology and zoomed, but it’s not the same. I am a hugger, and I think there’s something a little magical about hugging in the context of meeting a good friend. It’s as if the physical act of hugging opens the space at the beginning of the interaction and seals it together at the end. It solidifies the space we’ve shared.

Enjoying sharing physical space with friends is something to be thankful for. And something many of us won’t take for granted again anytime soon.

Nature

Unlike weather-related events, an earthquake, or flood, this natural event, although still a crisis, has had a significantly positive effect on nature.

It’s as though Mother Nature has been given a few months ‘off’, a chance to breathe deeply and recover from years of abuse. There is mounting evidence that our global lockdown has given the earth the biggest break it’s had since the pre-industrial age. 

This is the one, very positive outcome from this crisis that transcends country, race, and socio-economic status. And once you’ve seen it, it’s hard to unsee.

I am hopeful that my families ‘new-normal’ will try to uphold these gains. Every small action (recycling, using our car less) we take to reduce our environmental impact gives our Mother one more small breath.

Quiet and solitude

I saved the best for last.

One thing I have enjoyed for as long as I can remember, is the peace of an empty home. As an introvert, I crave alone time and silence. Silence is my music.

And after 6 weeks of almost no reprieve, my proverbial cup is not just empty – it has large gaping holes.

I have made desperate pleas to silence, bargaining with it, that never again will I take it for granted. If it could just please come back to me soon. 

I am grateful that I know how healing silence and alone time is for me. And I am quietly confident that my new normal will include more thoughtfully timed and strategic alone time. 

Realistically, my ‘new normal’ will always include noise and interruptions. This is life in a family. But I am grateful I have learnt how to be alone, even surrounded by others. I’ve also begun to learn how to tap into my inner silence and stillness, despite the chaos of the surrounding world.

That’s a lesson that will serve me long after this global crisis is over.

Now it’s your turn

What will your ‘new normal’ look like? Maybe it’s more practical things, like a different career move, after the loss of your pre-Covid job. Maybe it’s things like a new appreciation for a slower pace of life.

This week, take some time to consider the good that has come thus far, due to this pandemic. Take time to make a list of the things you are grateful for, despite all the difficult things.

And then consider what you can do to create your ‘new normal’. Because we can’t go back.