The courage to be disliked

I recently came across a quote from Brené Brown that floored me. She said this: “Caution: If you trade in your authenticity for being liked, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, addiction, rage, blame, resentment and inexplicable grief.” In other words, your mental and physical well being may improve if you muster up the courage to be disliked.

Wow.

What happened over the next few days was a slow realization of my longtime struggle between authenticity, and people pleasing. I had a history of trading what I believed to be the right thing for keeping the peace.

To honour my highest core value, authenticity, I needed the courage to be disliked.

Finding the courage to be authentically you

Brené was right, it had made me sick

As a teenager, after many years of trying to be the perfect child (instead of just being myself), my bottled up authenticity came out as the ‘rebel child’, ready to binge drink her way through every weekend.

As a young adult, I didn’t trust my own voice, so instead, I surrendered to the voices around me that said happiness looked like protruding hips and ribs.

All of this trading of my true self was creating chaos. I couldn’t keep up. There is no end in sight when you try and please others.

Thankfully, over the last decade, I’ve started to find the courage to be disliked.

Bit by bit, I’ve made decisions that honour my own authenticity rather than someone else’s. And it’s the most freeing experience.

When you say what you believe, with courage and conviction of heart, things get very clear. The clutter and chaos start to fall away and you begin to focus on what’s essential for your life, not everyone else’s.

Of course, this courage didn’t grow overnight though. And it hasn’t yet peaked. I’m positive I haven’t been through the most courageous moment of my life and I’m sure it will involve a whole bunch of ‘being disliked’.

And yet, now that I’ve practised, I’m not as afraid of it. Of me.

And honestly, I sort of look forward to being disliked. Because I know it will coexist with me honouring myself and holding true to values that matter in my life.

Do you need the courage to be disliked too?

I don’t know you, but maybe you are drinking a few wines every night instead of having hard conversations with your partner?

Maybe you have things you really want to say to a good friend but haven’t, so anger and resentment build.

These bottled up emotions, which in essence are your truth bottled up, will make you sick.

Forgoing what you really want to say or do in order to be liked could cause anxiety, resentment and depression;
These strong emotions cause a physical response in your body. Anxiety and depression are strongly linked to migraines, digestive problems and other inflammatory responses;
Emotional repression is linked to depression and a weakened immune system;
A healthy immune system is a key part of fighting diseases like cancer and heart disease, so releasing emotions could play an important part in recovery.

Owning who you are and what you truly believe is an important part of creating a healthier mind and body.

Why you should be the most authentic version of yourself no matter what

Start somewhere small

If you want to get a little bit more courage to be your authentic self then start somewhere small. Side note: announcing long pent-up political views online probably won’t be the best way to start practising this kind of courage.

Choose a topic that you feel strongly about, and put a toe in the water with a friend you know will respect and love you no matter what.

Practice holding space for their reaction, and potential disapproval of your view. You can sit with it, even the emotional reaction you might feel of ‘dislike’ or disapproval. It won’t kill you. It might be very squirmy and uncomfortable, but you’ll live.

Notice the freedom you feel when you are able to speak your truth and honour yourself. I usually feel a lightness or untethered-ness.

The world needs you

There’s no one on this earth that looks, sounds, thinks or is like you. As cliche as that sounds, it’s also true.

So we need you to be FULLY you.

The best version of you isn’t anything to do with your nightly self-care routine, or how many dry-July’s you participate in (note to self).

It’s just you being as you as much as you can muster the courage to be.

It’s you having the courage to be disliked.

My friend Allison at Compass My Life has a brand new course designed specifically to help you uncover your most authentic self.

Finding You

I’ve been lucky enough to have a sneak peek… and guys, this self-discovery course is flipping awesome. I wouldn’t share it with you if it wasn’t. Finding You is jam-packed with strategies, exercises, tools, and mindset shifts to help you – well, find the real you!

Examples of some of the modules;