Dear sensitive ones. Let’s be honest, 2020 has been rough. The world is dying and burning in front of our eyes.
You spent the first month of 2020 hopeful, excited for a new year, for all the things you’d achieve. Then February arrived and brought the global pandemic, and a whole bunch of anxiety.
March and April consisted of wanting to know the latest news on the pandemic, and then being an emotional wreck and turning your phone off because it was all too much to bear.
Then came May and June. The months when you woke up to the realness of the historical, violent racism that is clearly alive and well across America and the globe. (If you are a PoC you are already aware of this, and probably dealing with the consequences of racism in your own life).
These were the months you realised you didn’t know SH*T about what PoC have to deal with on a day to day basis. You heard stories from friends of color that you couldn’t quite believe, except they were real, and true.
You felt embarrassed for your lack of knowledge, for the blind eye you’d turned. And equally inspired to rage against the machine, with them, for them. You feel what’s happening and you feel it’s your duty to make it right.
These are good things, but dear sensitive ones, we have to look after ourselves. You need to replenish yourself in order to get through 2020.
I have some ideas about how you can navigate this time as a highly sensitive person, but before that, let’s quickly go over what this term means, if you aren’t familiar with it.
Are you Highly Sensitive?
I didn’t identify as a highly sensitive person (HSP) until about 6 years ago. I don’t recall exactly what I read that introduced me to the concept, but I do remember the relief I felt as I read about myself described on the page.
Dr. Elaine Aron describes the HSP as someone who is easily overwhelmed by sounds, smells, touch or other things in their environment. Sudden change can be difficult and upsetting, and HSP’s have a greater need for down time, particularly time without any sensory input.
We tend to think deeply and are fairly happy being alone with ourselves. We are sometimes perceived as being shy or introverted, but these traits are different to our high sensitivity. Although we are more likely to be introverted, 30 percent of us are actually more extroverted.
We’ve probably been criticized for being too sensitive, and have wondered what’s wrong with us, and perhaps sought to change. But because our sensitivity is an innate trait, change has never lasted.
(If you identify with any or all of this I highly recommend the work of Dr. Aron. You can read more about her at The Highly Sensitive Person. This TedX talk by Elena Herdieckerhoff is also great. You can also read my post, What it’s Like Being a Highly Sensitive Introvert).
Getting through 2020 as a HSP
If you are a HSP, you probably feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, and has been for the last 5 or 6 months.
You’ve not only read the news, but you’ve also absorbed the emotions of the people on the news (these two things are distinct from each other). You don’t know them, yet you feel them and what they are going through.
This intense ability to empathise with them is both a gift and a curse if we aren’t careful with our energy.
I find that accepting and honoring my high sensitivity must be balanced with ways of nurturing resilience within myself. Not a resilience against sensitivity, but resilience and fortitude for using this sensitivity to thrive in the world and to become healthier emotionally.
Here are three things that are helping me navigate 2020.
1. Take time away from the outside world
As I mentioned, you probably love your inner world and are happy and restored by it. Now is the time to double down on that restorative time. Go offline more, turn off the news, and take a break from actively conversing about things that trigger you.
This doesn’t mean that you don’t care about what’s happening in the world, or that you don’t want to learn more about things like anti-racism. It simply means that you need more buffer time around that knowing and learning.
I have been doing alot of learning via podcasts on the anti-racist movement and what I can do to be involved, but I am purposefully choosing a few days a week where I don’t listen (and yes, I’m well aware of the privilege I have in being able to do this).
2. Communicate with friends and family
Let those around you know that you are highly sensitive and that this time feels especially hard for you. And then let them know how they can support you.
One of the ways I like to support my children, who both show HS traits, is to recognise and accept their sensitivity and let them lean into it as much as they need to. As they grow I hope to model ways to build resiliency as a HSP, alongside this acceptance of who they are.
3. Find a distraction
As a HSP life can sometimes feel a little too serious. In fact this may be one of the things loved ones have told you. “Lighten up, don’t take things so seriously!”. In the heat of the moment that sentiment isn’t helpful. But there is some truth or wisdom that can be gleaned.
During our month in extreme lock-down, I found that I desperately needed distraction to survive the reality of life.
I purposefully sought out things that were completely unrelated to the pandemic, and things that would make me laugh.
Again, this doesn’t mean that you are being insensitive to the needs of others around you. It means you are engaging healthy coping strategies so that you are stronger when you ‘go back in’.
This year is rough my lovelies, let’s not deny it. But let’s also embrace it as an opportunity to practice and build resilience as a HSP.
Your sensitivity is a gift and a strength. Your world, and the people in your world, need it. Lean into it, nurture it, and honor it the best way you can.
