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This is part two of ‘Dear Daughters. 12 things for your life journey.

You can read things 1-6 HERE.

Thing 7: Your sensitivity is a gift, not a curse

I don’t know for sure yet, but so far it appears that you both have been blessed with the high sensitivity personality trait like me. One in every five of us are like this, so please know that being this way is normal, and you aren’t alone. 

This means, as you grow up, you will probably be more sensitive to your environment and to other people’s emotions. You might not like scratchy fabrics, and too much noise or activity in close proximity may overwhelm you. 

And you’ll most definitely be told ‘don’t be so sensitive’. As your mum, advocate and cheerleader, let me say two important things. 

1. Your high sensitivity is a gift for you and those around you, but it will take a while to get comfortable with it. But it’s important you do get comfortable with it. As a highly sensitive person (HSP), research suggests you’ll be prone to seeking things that numb your emotions (drugs, Netflix, Ben & Jerry’s). Refer back to Thing 4: Learn to Sit & Feel.
2. You can build emotional resilience and still honor your high sensitivity. One of the keys to being a resilient HSP is not trying to be less sensitive, but recognize your sensitivity is a strength. Read: Five Tools to Cultivate Resilience

Thing 8: Don’t get sucked into the superwoman myth

Unless things change dramatically in the next 10-20 years, you are going to be told, in varying formats, that ‘despite’ being a woman, you can do anything. (The language around this reeks of centuries of misogyny. And while it’s slowly changing, the thinking is still well entrenched. )

Here’s the thing. Women and men are different. There’s no denying that biological fact (I’m choosing not to wade into other gender identifications here). But beyond that, yes, you can absolutely do anything you damn well please. 

But please, don’t do it because you aspire to superwoman myth that’s prevalent in our society (like I’ve done). And, for the love of God, don’t do it at the expense of your physical and mental health. 

And here is the golden rule for thing # 8;

You can do anything, but you sure as hell can’t do everything. 

And obviously this statement applies to any gender or human. But the sooner we realize that women have been unfairly carrying the superhero cape, the better.

Choose a few things to do well in your life journey. Practice moderation, enoughness, and saying no. 

Thing 9: Believe in yourself & find comfort within

It’s important to surround yourself with people who believe in you (the real you), but there will be many times when you won’t have this support or it will feel like you don’t. 

There’s one person who will always be your cheerleader though.

You.

In the longest April the world has seen (otherwise known as April 2020), during our lockdown period, you (Gabriella, aged 11) said something very profound to me. 

“I am the only person I have spent every day of my life with”.

You always have yourself to count on. You will always be there for yourself, there’s simply no getting away. 

So, my darling, always, and forever be your own knight in shining armor. Believe in yourself and learn to comfort yourself and your journey will be a little less bumpy. 

“I learned a long time ago that the wisest thing I can do is be on my own side”.

Maya Angelou

Thing 10: Respect the season of life you are in (and try not to wish it away)

Life is a journey through a hundred seasons with no discernible destination. One season might look drastically different to the next, but who you are, your true authentic self is the thread that connects all these seasons.

There will be seasons of growth, physical (puberty!), and spiritual. Seasons of grief and mourning, and seasons of joy and contentment. 

Some seasons will be the darkest winters of your life. The first boyfriend you break up with, the long nights of early parenthood, and the inescapable deaths of loved ones.

Two things are certain. One, change is normal and inevitable. And two, being present in the season of life you are in won’t be easy. 

But, my dear, staying present in whatever life is throwing at you (see thing 4) is a brave and good thing. 

You can do this.

Thing 11: Your ego is heavy, put it down

Baby girl, let me tell you a secret. You are 95% ego. And what I mean by that (or what I understand this to mean from the work of Eckart Tolle and others), is that 95% of the time, you are living with an armour up, seperating you from the rest of the universe.

Ego shows up as vanity and pride, but it’s much more insidious than that. It’s anything that gives you a sense of identity.

I gain a sense of identity as a writer. On the surface this appears fine. And it is. But it also gives me a sense of being seperate from non-writers. Superior even. 

I am not, at my core, a writer. Or a runner, or an introvert, or anything else I choose to label myself with. 

I am me. Emma. 

Unique? Yes. An irretrievable part of the bigger, wider universe? YES.

Practicing putting down my ego has become an important part of my journey, and I hope it will be for you too.

Thing 12: Find your teachers, sit at their feet

You’ll have many lessons in life (almost none of them will come from ‘school’), and many wonderful teachers. 

Everyone needs a mentor, a sage. A person they trust, aspire to be like and are eager to learn from. Some of these you’ll explicitly learn from, others you’ll soak in their wisdom without even knowing it.

Female sages I recommend for your life journey include; Elizabeth Gilbert, Pema Chodron, Jenn Hatmaker, Oprah Winfrey, your Aunties, your pets, mother nature, and me, your mama. 

(There will always be a spot on the mat in front of me, come and go as you please. Some days you’ll run a million miles away, otherdays you’ll choose my lap instead. I’ll respect your choices and the season you are in.)

P.S. There’s a difference between following a teacher and following a cult 😉

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Dear reader. Thank you for taking the time to read these ‘things’. As I mentioned in part one, I’ve purposefully used the word ‘thing’ here as I don’t want these to be a prescriptive set of rules or lessons that might imply right or wrong.

My hope is that these will provide a little ‘lamp light’ for my daughters (and your) life journey.

Thank you for being part of this community. I appreciate every one of you!

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