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If life is feeling chaotic for you right now, you aren’t alone. Even pre-pandemic, modern life can leave us feeling utterly overwhelmed and stressed. As a mum who now co-ordinates the schedules of 3 other humans and several animals, I often find myself feeling both out of my depth and out of control. 

And this ‘out of control’ feeling is fairly new to me. Prior to having a family I only had myself and my own schedule to worry about. Life was simpler and largely predictable. 

Insert a husband and two gorgeous babies and things very quickly changed. 

I’ve learned many skills and techniques over the years to cope with my anxiety, including embracing a more minimalist lifestyle.

But there’s one very important truth that has taken over a decade to learn.

I cannot be in control of other humans.

And because of the way I am wired, this truth will often manifest itself with me feeling dangerously out of control. 

It’s difficult to explain the feeling to someone who doesn’t get it. But when I’m in the middle of it I feel like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, right smack bang in the middle of that big ol’ tornado. With everything in the world, up in the air, swirling around madly. And at any moment any of that debris could sideswipe me.  

And there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.

You know what I mean right? 

Kid A wants a snack, but only if you cut the crusts off, Kid B is going out with friends and where is her pocket money?! The dog needs to go to the vet, dinner needs prepping, Kid A is now having a meltdown because she didn’t get milk with her snack. And then the phone rings. It’s your significant other, calling in to get a leave pass so they can go watch the game.

So here’s what I realized recently. I cannot control the tornado. But I can control how I feel about the tornado. 

In the midst of a tornado I can watch everything swirling around me and I can either get swept away in the eye of the storm, or I can choose to do things that ground me.

Sidenote: For those that struggle with understanding what ‘being grounded’ is meant to feel like – it’s generally a feeling of calm and ease after being overwhelmed. Personally, I know I’m grounded when I feel ‘home’. 

Being grounded brings me back to the core of my being and invokes a deep, almost mystical, state of contentment and familiarity. 

Here are 8 suggestions to help ground you when you are feeling overwhelmed and out of control

Focus on my senses

Focusing on your senses for a moment is a great way to bring you back to reality. I use the 5 senses technique whenever I’m feeling particularly anxious or overwhelmed. But when I need to go deeper and really ground myself I focus on smell. 

Our sense of smell is a unique sense. It’s tied to emotion and memory because of the way our brains are wired. Unlike the other four senses, smell bypasses our thalamus and goes to our olfactory bulb, which has a direct link to the amygdala and hippocampus, which is responsible for emotional memory. 

I have a perfume and a candle that I use ritualistically to help bring me back down and feel comforted. Find a smell that you love, one that brings good memories and a sense of calm, and find a way to incorporate it into your life more.

Read a favorite novel

Reading is an absolute favorite pass time of mine. The simple pleasure of getting lost in a book also invokes a sense of ‘home’ to me because it’s something I used to soothe myself as a child.

For reading to act as a grounding tool for me it needs to be fiction. It needs to be something unrelated to real life and escapist.  

Nowadays I can find a million excuses not to sit and read. But when I make time for it, my body remembers and my entire being sighs with relief. 

Phone a friend

Talking it out is also a powerful grounding technique. When we are in our own little bubbles the chaos can feel worse than it is. Someone else’s perspective can bring equilibrium when things feel out of balance.

I am also very lucky to have a friend who I refer to as my ‘Oprah’. She emanates calm and her presence is soothing to me. I’m not sure how my brain has made the link between her and Oprah but if you have an Oprah you’ll likely know what I mean!

Acknowledge the feeling

Acknowledging the truth of how you are feeling is powerful. When we try to brush things off and hustle through things the feelings don’t go away.

Label the feeling, acknowledge it’s presence, and even thank it for it’s purpose. If you are feeling overwhelmed then there’s likely a good reason why. The feeling is your body’s way of telling you to slow down.

Go outside

Nature acts as a nurturant for me. The more I can immerse myself in it regularly, the calmer I am. 

And this effect is seen and reported on pretty unanimously in the scientific literature. Nature is healing. It increases cognitive ability, happiness and subjective well being, along with giving us a sense of purpose.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, go outside. If you are already outside, take off your shoes and walk barefoot to connect with the earth. 

Make a date with yourself

Feeling overwhelmed consistently points to a bigger issue. It may be that you are doing too much for others and not enough for yourself. Make a date on your calendar to spend a few hours doing something you enjoy. 

If i am consistent with my self-care I am much less likely to wind up swept away in the tornado of life. 

If you don’t yet make self-care a priority it’s not too late. Start with one date now. Book it in. Make it non-negotiable. 

Suck some ice 

This might feel a bit left-field but hear me out. A while back, my therapist told me about this technique to ward off a panic attack. It forces your brain to concentrate on the cold ice in your mouth and even if just for a moment, can distract you from whatever it is that’s thrown you into a panic.

Sometimes all we need is that extra moment to avoid going into full panic mode. Sucking on a piece of ice brings you into the present and grounds you there – rather than in your thoughts in your head.

Single-task

Focussing mindfully on one task at a time is my absolute favorite way to ground myself. This skill takes a lot of patience and perseverance though. Unfortunately society rewards the multi-tasker and being able to do all the things has become a necessary evil for getting through modern life. 

But I invite you to experiment with this. For one hour this week take the time to do one thing at a time. Then revert back to normal and notice how you feel.

I’m pretty committed to not feeling like Dorothy caught up in that tornado anymore. I hope you will try out one of these tools next time you feel overwhelmed too.