If you are a parent, you are likely very familiar with the word ‘hurry’. In fact, I’m going to bet it’s one of the top requests for your kids.
“Hurry up, we’re gonna be late!” I frequently yell at my kids. “Hurry” or some version of it (move it, get a move on, go faster), seems to be every second phrase some days, especially in the early hours of the morning.
And despite hating the atmosphere this created in our home, I couldn’t seem to stop doing it – the hurrying. I felt stuck.
Kind of like when you buy a new electronic gadget that has a default function, and you try and figure out how to change it. A few hours (and a few more grey hairs) later and you are still stuck at default. You try numerous ways to change or bypass it but it just won’t budge.
This is exactly how I feel about hurrying. It’s my default. And it’s been stuck there for years!
And I’ve tried lots of different tactics to budge this default setting. Most of them work for a bit but then I wind up back at hurrying. Then recently, I had what you might call an epiphany. Something that has a good chance to displace that default setting for good.
What if I decided and believed that I had ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD?
So let’s backtrack a moment. What’s the core belief that’s behind this default setting of mine?
It was a belief that time is running out. That I don’t have enough time.
And this pervasive drive to hurry isn’t just present before school drop off or bedtime. It’s a strong undercurrent that pushes me to achieve more, faster, most of the time. And with my 40th birthday fast approaching, the tick tock of the clock has been amplified.
I’ve become some kind of time warden, standing by waiting for a moment of relaxation, a whiff of meandering, a hint of spontaneity and fun. Ready and waiting to crack the whip.
“We don’t have time for this! Your book isn’t going to get written watching netflix. Come on, it’s only 9pm, you can push for another hour.”
But this default setting is exhausting and is the driver for overwhelm. And not necessarily exhausting on a physical level. But on a spiritual, emotional one.
It’s only human
I was living day to day as though I was a finite being. As though at any moment I could keel over and die and that would be the end. A perfectly human mindset.
How do I know this? Because the essence of my being, who I am underneath the layers of my ego, is what drives the deepest default settings.
And look, I don’t think it’s any surprise I’ve been stuck at this default ‘hurry’ setting. It’s so incredibly human of me. Stuck in these flesh and bone containers, this finite view of ourselves is hard to let go.
But the truth (that resonates with me) is, we are more than flesh and bone. We are spirit. Being. Breath. And these things cannot be measured. And if they can’t be measured, do they have a beginning and an end? My logical brain tells me they don’t.
Embrace the present moment
Regardless of an eternal worldview, the present moment is all I ever have (I realize how contradictory that sounds). I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, or even the next minute. So I need to continue to do things that ground me in the present.
How?
- Regularly go through my five senses, noticing what I can see, hear, feel, taste and smell.
- Single-task. No more multitasking (the jury is out, it’s bad for you anyway)! Take each task and treat it as if it’s queen. Don’t be rude and try and do something else!
- I have a physical grounding technique that started a few years ago. I bring my thumb and middle finger together. It’s a very simple physical movement that is barely noticeable. There’s something about it that brings intentionality and reminds me to stay calm and be present.
Set lifetime goals and intentions
It’s all well and good setting short-term goals, and even having 5 or 10-year plans. But let’s step back and take a wider look at our lives. Even without grasping the concept of eternity (and no one really can), eighty or so years is a pretty long time.
Take home message? You don’t need to do it all now! I have an insatiable thirst for knowledge. I love learning and there are a million topics I’d love to explore. But I can’t do it all now. Learning about thermodynamics and teaching myself a new language can wait till my kids have left home!
Forsaking achievements for connection
Let’s face it, most of the time our hurry is driven by a desire to achieve something. Whether it’s hurrying to get to a self-imposed writing deadline like me, or hurrying to meet other people’s deadlines, achievements are often the end goal.
In contrast, we are less prone to hurrying when we are with family and friends. When we are truly present and connecting with them the need (and want) to hurry often dissipates.
So perhaps our default setting will be shifted if we focus on connecting over achieving.
Whatever your view on eternity, whether you believe in spirit and soul or not, hurrying doesn’t have to be your default anymore.
When we look closely there is always more to life than hurrying and busy. And if we look close enough we might just find ourselves, our true selves, in the process.
