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The ‘not good enough’ message has chased me for most of my life. And after 40 years of running and hiding from this message, I’m exhausted. Especially since the message is now delivered in the form of ‘mom-guilt’.

And now that it’s attacking my motherhood – and essentially my relationship with my kids – I’m not just tired, I’m angry. That voice inside my head that whispers in all sorts of creative ways “you are not good enough” has to go. 

Prior to having children, my anxiety has centered around things like grades, sleep, and other external achievements. Right now, almost all of my anxiety is around my parenting skills or my perceived lack of.

“They’ve watched far too much television this weekend” she whispers.

“When was the last time you did something creative with them?”

“Are you really going to let them eat chicken nuggets for the second night in a row?!”

And the harder I try the louder she gets.

Mom-guilt is never satisfied

Like last week. I did all the things. All the things from all the suggestions in those Instagram stories, online articles and parenting books. We went on two bike rides, we built blanket forts, I consoled a sick child, we made gingerbread men, and I even cried in front of them (because apparently, that’s good for them too). 

And still, the voice inside my head wasn’t pleased. It wasn’t enough. And it certainly wasn’t good enough. Mom-guilt kept reminding me that they still weren’t enrolled in the gym or dance classes we’d been talking about. Or that just that morning I’d sent my 5-year-old to school without a jacket (it’s winter here).

I’m tired and angry at this ever-present guilt, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone (we rarely are).

5 reminders for when mom-guilt gets too much

1. It’s all relative

I usually only hear this not good enough message loud and clear after being privy to what someone else has decided is good parenting. My own failings are only spotlighted relative to someone else’s life.

Except this isn’t someone else’s life or someone else’s kids. What would happen if I tried to live without all the noise and more by my intuition?

Turn off the phone, take a break from your feeds. Even take a break from those ‘educational’ articles you find on Pinterest. Trust your gut momma. 

2. Being REAL is better than being a perfectionist

One of my core values is to be authentic and real. This is because I’ve lived a good portion of my life chasing perfection. In forty years I’ve never caught it though so I choose to be real instead. And if this means not cleaning the bathroom for two weeks or chicken nuggets two nights in a row, so bloody be it. I’m raising kids, not prize-winning poodles.

I also want my girls to know that it’s okay to be real. To be them. Completely imperfect and yet wonderful and ‘enough’ at the same time. The best way I can do this is by being real in front of them. 

Real is risky, it’s vulnerable. Sure, we might get a bit tatty and worn being real, But REAL is the place where we find the most genuine and fierce love. 

3. It hurts our relationship with our kids

This not good enough message is robbing me of the joyful times I could be having with my children. How? The anxiety that comes with the message leaves me feeling helpless and I wind up being despondent around them (another thing to feel guilty about!). 

Apparently comparison is the thief of joy, but so is anxiety. I want more joy and less anxiety. 

If I catch myself early, I can combat these feelings with gentle reminders of the things I have done with my children, rather than focussing on the way I feel I’ve fallen short.

4. Your best is always good enough

Momma, I know you. And I know you do your absolute best as a parent. Just like I do. And that’s good enough. Why? Because we can’t do any more than our absolute best! It’s not possible. 

Rather than try and achieve big things all the time, like better routines, less screentime, and more vegetables (yes, these are big things!), I want to focus on just doing my best in each moment. It’ll be good enough. 

5. Small and simple are okay

It’s actually not hard to hear this ‘not good enough’ message if you just listen carefully. We are fed it every day. Strive for the best, go hard or go home, dream big. Society tells us what’s good enough and what falls short all the time. It’s no wonder it’s wearisome trying to escape the damn thing! 

Even as someone who knows the benefits of seeking a smaller, simpler life, it’s hard (and lonely) to rebel against the rest of the world.

I don’t think my child needs to be the Head girl or have straight A’s to be amazing. And I don’t have to provide 4 vegetable options at the dinner table or sit down to craft with them every day either thank you very much!

Honestly, that all sounds too exhausting and busy. I want a simple, but soulful life. Is that too much to ask for?

If this message resonates with you, you might enjoy these articles.

• 3 Pitfalls That Can Make Us Feel Like We Are Failing As Parents
• 5 Exhausting Pressures Parents Can Let Go Of Forever
• Why Alone Time Is Crucial For Introverted Moms (And How To Stop The Guilt)

Be encouraged momma, I’m here in the trenches with you xx