I didn’t always want a simple life. I grew up thinking more was better. Do more, be more, try harder. And if you’ve ever struggled with acceptance and self-esteem you might recognise this striving.
Remaining busy was part band-aid for me, covering the wounds left by rejection and trauma. By having a full social calendar, and an overflowing wardrobe, I was able to drown out the noise that pain was making.
(Ignore, sweep under the carpet, pretend it never happened).
Except all this did was make the noises louder and the pain stronger.
I didn’t know that what I really needed was connection.
I simplify to connect
Having children was my first point of entry into this epiphany. Realising that connecting with them was the most vital thing in my life actually took me by surprise.
Wasn’t getting a PhD and owning a home full of lovely things important?
Something began to loosen and shake itself free as I began the journey of parenting.
It turns out that even for this stoic introvert, connection is as vital as oxygen is to my existence.
So I simplify to connect. To connect to myself, to God, to nature, and to others.
I have written extensively about these four areas of connection in other places online so you can read more about that here and here.
Despite being an introvert, connection is a deep longing or thirst that I feel most days. I want to connect with our new neighbors, with old friends, and with my garden.
But connection, real connection, takes time. It uses up that precious commodity that is irreplaceable.
I don’t connect with my neighbors because there’s too much washing. I don’t pursue a coffee with an old friend because I get busy working. And my garden is full of weeds because I’m too busy with the upkeep of the inside of our home.
So perhaps the answer to more connection is; less to wash, less, or smarter more efficient work, and less clutter in the home.
But simplifying isn’t always about the practical stripping away. It doesn’t always have to mean the decluttering of our schedules and belongings.
Sometimes simplifying is just the act of noticing what’s really important (sometimes called prioritizing).
Notice the important things
If you, or anyone you know has had a near-death experience or a traumatic event you might have been through a period where this noticing, or prioritization comes a little easier.
Dancing with the fragility of life has the effect of stripping away everything that isn’t essential. It leaves us naked, bare. Focussed on the important things.
A year ago today, 52 lives were stolen, and the majority of the nation (and world) were affected in some way by the horrific actions of one person.
Many of us sought solace in connecting with others in the darkness. We gathered en masse to honor the victims and spoke in hushed and sometimes angry, confused tones to each other as we tried to understand.
And some of us reached out to people we hadn’t seen in a long time. Or maybe forgave someone we’d held a grudge against. Why? Because when we are faced with uncertainty or death, we always choose connection.
Connecting with each other is vital. It’s like oxygen for humanity.
To live, we must connect.
To connect we must strip away, and simplify.
This is how I simplify to connect
I choose to leave my washing unfolded for 2 days, so I can write, and connect with myself.
I make long phone calls to people I can’t see in the flesh, instead of working late.
I ignore the floors that need washing and the shower that needs scrubbing and getting dirt under my fingernails instead.
I opt for spontaneous adventures outside with my kids instead of homework or making dinner.
Maybe you are wanting a simpler life. A life less hurried and frazzled.
What I like to encourage is an active, ongoing exploration of WHY you want this.
Knowing your why for anything you want is the first and most important step in the direction of getting it. Your why will act as the anchor that will keep you grounded when like get’s chaotic again.
And here’s the thing. Every single time sometimes shares their ‘why’ with me it can be summed up in one word.
Connection.
They long to live simple lives in order to spend more time with their loved ones. Or to spend more time in the forest, in the garden, or creating something.
Connecting, with themselves, with others, with nature, with something bigger.
If you crave slow and simple, I put together this short PDF for you. I hope it helps you gain some traction on simplifying your life… and connecting more.
With love
