I’ve been wobbly lately. That’s what my best friend calls it.
It’s a catch-all phrase for when things are a bit shit and I’m stressed, anxious, depressed or otherwise don’t have great mental health. And I like this term best. I don’t always want to put how I feel in a descriptive box that doesn’t explain all the nuances.
So – wobbly it is.
Apparently *we don’t write about things until we are through the other side safely. I guess just to make sure we actually do survive and don’t try and dish out advice that led to our demise lol. But I’m not one for following rules so, meh. I’ve decided to roll with punches and share a bit about what I reckon helped me survive being wobbly, and might help you too.
Backstory
A brief synopsis for those that don’t know me. I’ve suffered from some sort of anxiety for the last 20 years, this has manifested as insomnia, gastro issues, an eating disorder, and panic attacks. Underneath the anxiety is a whole bunch of complex PTSD – trauma. You can read more about that HERE and HERE.
I take medication (citalopram) to keep a lid on the anxiety and have started EMDR to tend to the trauma. These, along with a good self-care plan, are usually enough to keep my head above the water and even sometimes swimming.
Except for when life is being an asshole and throwing all sorts of stresses at me, all at once. Which is exactly what the last 4ish months have been like.
That’s when I get wobbly, really wobbly. And my head starts dipping under the water.
How to survive a dire case of the wobbles
Please note: None of this is prescriptive and I recommend you seek help from a professional if you are suffering from anxiety, depression or extreme stress.
Take your temperature
Not your core body temperature, your mental health temperature. It’s challenging to survive something without recognising what that something is. And as tempting as it is to just keep ignoring red flags, survival will depend on some sort of honest assessment of the state of our mental health.
You’ll have your own red flags, things that will indicate just how dire things possibly are. Mine were the fact that I couldn’t write anymore, or tinker with my new hobby (taxidermy). Other signs were panic attacks and frequent dissociation.
The important thing is that I needed to own up (to myself) about how bad things are before I could do something about it.
Sleep. And then sleep some more. And then nap.
I can’t stress this one enough. It’s the best thing you can do to help recover from any physical or mental difficulty. Everything feels better when we sleep.
For some of us who have been afflicted by insomnia to some extent, this may be difficult. I recommend speaking to your doctor about it in the first instance and then using mediation (I’m using that term very loosely here) if you need to.
Other things that help sleep, aside from medication, are good routines, gentle exercise (like yoga), and meditation.
Not caring
Some things are worth caring about, many things are not. In wobbly periods I try really hard not to care about; saying no to anyone, what other people think about me or my choices, doing more than the bare minimum, not getting parent of the year, and numerous other things.
Our ego’s trick us into believing we need to care about many more things than we need to.
Care about what’s really important and let the rest go.
Notice the tiny things
Noticing tiny things helps me. Because when my anxiety is spiralling out of control everything is BIG and blown completely out of proportion. I need small things to bring me back to the present moment.
Yesterday when I was out walking the dog, I noticed a snail crossing the footpath. Have you ever really looked at a snail? Maybe not since you were a child. They are actually kind of cute. And it was this little tiny being that brought me back to the moment and the fact that life is about much more than my problems.
Loosen your grip (on everything)
Everything feels hard when we are holding on tightly. So much of my anxiety stems from holding onto things and outcomes with a very stubborn grip. This doesn’t work. Life doesn’t work like this.
Things change, people change, and circumstances change. Nothing remains the same forever. The sooner we get comfortable with that the easier life will flow.
Loosen your grip, and then loosen it some more.
Focus on one good thing every day
I don’t do well at this one at all. Ask my husband, I’m a pessimist and tend to see the cup half empty. But as I’ve been nearing the end of my recent wobbly period, I realised that my mindset wasn’t doing me any favours.
In psychology, we call this negativity basis which is the tendency to both register negative events more readily, and to dwell on them. Put simply, negativity breeds negativity.
(I feel seen and heard. And not in a good way lol.)
However, it’s important to remember that it’s a normal, evolutionary process. Our brains just haven’t evolved to register that not all bad things mean death. When our species was younger it was really important to both register and focus on negative events to stay alive.
Thankfully we don’t need this (much) anymore. We are relatively safe. It’s okay to look for the good and focus on that.
If you are wobbly right now then; a) you aren’t alone, I’m here wobbling around with you, and b) you’ll find some balanced ground soon – I promise.
I’d love to hear what helps you in times like these. You are welcome to leave a comment below or email me at emma@simpleslowlovely.com.
