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Two years ago I was a different woman than I am today. I was stressed, anxious, exhausted and felt as though I was merely watching my life pass me by. I had only been in my dream ‘career’ job for 18 months but it felt like a lifetime had passed since I’d accepted the offer. But I thought this was what I was meant to do.

Chase the career, chase the kids, chase the Jones’s. 

I didn’t know there were other options.

I was juggling a full-time job that involved shift work and a commute. I had two young children, one only two years old, and a husband who also worked shift work in law enforcement. We used daycare, a nanny, a cleaner, and a meal service. Life was more than full. It was overflowing. And I was dropping balls left, right and center. Which might have been okay if they were all rubber…

But I was doing what I was meant to do, right? As an educated woman, wanting a family and a career, this was how it was done, wasn’t it? Chasing all the dreams, all at once, so none of them got away.

And then I had an epiphany. I realized that I didn’t have to have it all. I didn’t have to keep my dream job. I was fortunate enough that I could choose to let it go. This realization came at the exact time I realized I was on a fast road to a serious physical and emotional breakdown.

So I quit.

I quit my life as it was and began rebuilding from the ground up.

It wasn’t easy and I had a lot of interesting feedback. “But it’s your dream job!”, “You’ll never find another job like this”, “how can you afford it?”. I didn’t have all the answers. But I didn’t need them.

What I needed to do, was connect with myself, and my family again.

What quitting your career really looks like

One of my values as a writer is honesty. I do my best to be honest with you. It’s a value I admire in other writers and something that keeps me going back to their writing.

When I quit I knew I wouldn’t find another job like that, but I had already decided that although it was my dream job, it didn’t mean it was the right job, or the right timing for me.

And the truth (a little scary and icky), is that we couldn’t really afford it. We can’t afford the luxuries we used to have – the cleaner, the meal service, and the spontaneous coffee dates.

But at the exact same time – we couldn’t afford not to do it. We couldn’t afford for me, a wife, a mother and a friend to be broken (anymore than I already was).

A career vs. a cobbled path to freedom

In the last 16 months since quitting I’ve slowed down. I’ve healed. I’ve rebuilt, and I’ve found myself again under the layers of anxiety and excess.

And I’ve cobbled together an income that contributes to paying our mortgage and putting food on the table.

In the interest of being transparent, here are the ways I’ve made money since I quit my full-time job;

• Worked in a kiwifruit lab, testing kiwifruit
• Done some freelance creative editing
• Written articles for other online publications
• Helped my Uncle with some cancer research
• Earned some money being an affiliate for an online course.

And most recently, I’ve taken on a part-time role in a local real estate office. And while it’s nothing as glamorous sounding as my previous role (nothing will probably ever sound as glamorous as an intelligence analyst!), it absolutely fits the season I’m currently in. 

I am loving my cobbled path. The stones are cracked, and wildflowers are poking through. And I’m finding small moments of deep joy that I haven’t experienced for a long time.

Why am I telling you this?

I want you to know that our paths, as parents (and traditionally as moms), are not always easy. The expectancy to have families and careers can be very daunting. But the conventional wisdom of having it all, in case something falls down the cracks, doesn’t always work.

I want you to know that you don’t have to have it all, all at once. You don’t have to do it all, all at once. You can forge a new path, even if it’s unconventional. One that is cobbled together by bits and pieces that give you both an income and joy.

You can create your own life. You don’t have to keep the status quo. Or compete with the Jones’s.

If you are juggling too many balls, and maybe even dropping a few too many, perhaps it’s time to take stock and decide what can stay, and what can go.

What next?

Read this article on mindfully curating your life

Read 10 choices you will regret in 10 years’

Read I want to be a stay at home mom AND a working mom