Hey you. Guess what? You are a star! You are starring in the role of a lifetime. The role of your life.
You are starring in your life. Right here, right now. This is IT.
And each of us has a script that’s running a thread through our lives, laying the groundwork for the show to take place.
This script is made of of many different moving parts. Unconscious and conscious beliefs, our world-views, our genetic makeup, our hopes and dreams, and so much more.
Meet the director of your show/life
Also, every good show has a director, and our lives are no different. We have someone sitting in the hot-seat, shouting directions, ordering the moving parts around, and dictating the atmosphere. And all too often, the director of our lives is our inner critic.
For the better part of my life my inner critic has sat in the directors chair, and tried to tell me who I am. She had her birth at my conception. Conceived to a young woman who did not want motherhood, and denied the first instinctive connections, the roots of my inner critic grew. As I lay in my crib, alone, tended to only by hospital nurses, her voice whispered into my neural pathways…
“You are not good enough”.
“You are unloved and unworthy”.
“You are a mistake and do not belong”
At 10 day I was adopted by two loving parents who took me as their own child, very much wanted and loved. But unfortunately the deep groundwork was done, and the inner critic, had taken up her directors position. She was in it for the long haul.
Listening to her directions and demands has brought nothing but trouble. I’ve let her run the script for an eating disorder, frequent bouts of imposter syndrome, alcohol dependency, damaging perfectionism and much more.
Well the buck stops here.
I’ve had enough, it’s time for her to pack up her chair and hit the road. This is part of how I simplify my life. Embracing an intentional simplified life includes recognising the things that don’t serve me and courageously asking them to leave.
How to send your inner critic packing
Step 1. Awareness.
You have to notice the things your inner critic is saying to you. I mean literally take note. Take time to sit down and make a note of what she says. Carry a notebook with you. Every time she pipes up, write it down. You won’t always recognise her voice but you’ll get better the more you do it.
(Sidenote – she doesn’t really want to pack up her things and go home so she’ll stay under the radar trying to go undetected as much as she can. She’ll disguise herself by dressing up like a long lost friend. For me, this is often ‘busy work’.)
Here are some of the other things my inner critic tells me (besides from not being good enough).
I’m a procrastinator. I am not a ‘real’ writer’. I’m too big and need to lose weight. I’m not a good parent (Hubby does it better). I’m selfish. I’m a fraud.
Gah! She’s a nasty piece of work. I would never talk to a friend this way so why do I let her talk to me like this!
Step 2. Put her firmly in her place.
By this I mean recognise that she IS NOT YOU. Repeat after me…. My inner critic is not the real me.
Realizing that you are separate from your inner critic is a vitally important step. If you need to you can visualize her like I do. Mine is a burnt out, frazzled hair, sleep deprived, overworked B-grade hollywood director. Your inner critic might look like that nasty bully from the playground at grade school.
Whatever he or she looks like, the key here is separateness from yourself.
Step 3. Rewrite the notes you made in step 1.
This is the part where you get to rewrite your script. Chuck out the script she’s given you and imagine you are talking to your best friend. What would you say to her if she was struggling with similar issues? You’d likely encourage her and speak positive words into her life.
Do this for yourself.
Sit down with pen and paper and rewrite those statements. Tell your inner critic exactly who you actually are. You don’t have to believe it yet. But rewrite them. Like this:
I am proactive and deal with things in a timely manner. I am a writer. I am strong, fit and healthy. I am a very good parent who is providing her girls with an amazing childhood experience. I care about others and am loving and kind. I am an authentic honest person.
Step 4. Take actions to cement these statements and rewire your brain.
This step is twofold. Take your new rewritten script and hang it up in various places where you frequent. Back of the loo door, tape it to your splashback in the kitchen, make it your screensaver. Get really familiar with your new script. After all, a star needs to know their lines to score the big roles.
And the second part? Take action to make these things become reality. Some of them already will be. That’s because our inner critic likes to lie to us too. But she’ll also stop us achieving new things.
For example, I’m not yet a published author. And she likes to tell me that won’t ever happen. Well I can counter that by rewriting my script and saying “I am a writer, and I will one day be published”, but I’m clearly not just going to get to that goal by reading “I am a writer” to myself every day.
What do I need to do to make that come true?
I need to write. Very very simple. Unless you ask me at 6am tomorrow morning when i’m sitting bleary eyed in front of the screen. Then maybe not so simple.
Your task, if you choose to accept it, is to slowly, but surely rewrite the script for your life. I wholeheartedly believe in you. You will always make a better director than your inner critic so show her the door and send her packing!
Images via Unsplash mari lezhava
