Is your ‘best self’ worth chasing?

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If you’ve been reading in the self-development space for awhile you might have heard of a term that’s become heavily used: your ‘best self’.

Article titles like “Five powerful ways to become your best self”, and “Seven simple tips to be your best self”, offer ways to get us to this proposed better self (assuming the reader is not already at this desired state).

And all this hype has got me thinking, is our best self worth all this chasing? If we aren’t living as our best selves, who are we? And what happens when this ‘best self’ is unattainable?

Perhaps I’m being far too critical, but I wonder if this ‘best self’ bizzo is a pedestal too high for many of us mere mortals. I wonder if it’s just another yardstick to measure ourselves against. And whether it just feeds the perfectionism that many of us struggle with.

One of my favorite podcasts, Straight & Curly, recently spent a whole episode discussing the difference between our best selves and our authentic selves. They suggest that our best self is the one that whispers all the ‘should’s’ (ie. I should workout another 20 minutes), while our wants belong to our more authentic self.

Our best self vs. our authentic self

My best self tells me I should stick with this horridly restrictive autoimmune diet, while my authentic self wants to just go back to eating 80 percent paleo and 20 percent junk.

My best self tells me I should stretch and strength train more often, while my authentic self wants to just run!

My best self tells me I should work harder at curbing my potty mouth, while my authentic self is too tired, and just wants to accept the season I’m in.

My best self tells me I should polish the second and third chapters of my book, while my authentic self just wants to be in the garden.

My best self tells me I should work at getting our 4-year-old to stay in her bed all night, while my authentic self just wants to snuggle for a few more weeks (she’s my last baby after all).

As you can see, neither my best or authentic self want anything particularly bad. But I’m pretty sure that it’s my authentic self that wants the extra scoops of ice-cream or to binge watch a Netflix series.

When should we chase our ‘best self’?

I guess you could say our best self is similar to our authentic self, just with high heels and makeup on. It’s the prettied-up version that the world wants or expects of us. The one that gets regular updates from the Jones’s and tries her best to keep up with them.

But is this version of ourselves really worth all the trouble? Maybe, and maybe not.

For me, my best self is not worth chasing if I’m constantly in comparison mode. Or if I’m wearing myself out and not getting enough rest. Or if I’m ignoring my core values.

But then sometimes, it’s worth going after, especially if I’m in a rut. If I’m feeling anxious and ruminative, my best self knows some great mindfulness tools to pull me out. Or if I’m really trying to break or make a habit, my best self knows the ins and outs of habit formation. And when I need to start something new and get momentum on a project, I want her leading the way.

Knowing who to listen to

I think both versions of ourselves add value to our lives. Both can serve us and help us grow. If we know how to use them.

They need to learn to work together and balance each other out. I don’t think we can put our ‘best selves’ in the driver’s seat all day, everyday. Likewise, we might not achieve much if we let our authentic selves drive everyday.

If I had to pick who I’d choose to take over most days though, I’d choose my authentic self.  

She’s the one who’s fallen heed over heels in love with nature.

She’s the one who loses herself in the sound of her 4-year-old’s giggles.

She’s the one who treats herself with an extra long run.

She’s the one who’s sure of herself and doesn’t need the Jones’s approval anymore.

And she’s the one who’s proud of where and who she is. No matter what.

What happens when your ‘best self’ seems unattainable?

When we fall short of our ‘best self’, we inevitably feel a tinge (or more) of failure. But what if we chose instead to accept and welcome our authentic self. To engage with this part of us. The part of us that is perhaps more spontaneous. The part of us that is okay with leaving the bed unmade and hitting ‘publish’ on less than perfect work (me, every week).

When our ‘best self’ is unattainable, and we hold space for our authentic self, the world unfurls in a new and wonderful way.

I’m choosing authenticity this week, and wonder if you want to join me.

2 Comments

  1. Amy @ More Time Than Money September 28, 2018 at 8:14 am

    I listened to this episode too and I am so glad you wrote this. It was the bit about your best self being the one that says “I should …”. I’ve found in life it is very easy to pick up on lots of should messages from all over the place. You need to question them from time to time. Actually when you do, it can be quite hilarious as they can be pretty contradictory. You need to ask yourself whose best? And like you say, pick and choose when you want to push yourself a bit and when you don’t.

    1. emmy.l.scheib@gmail.com September 29, 2018 at 3:11 am

      Thanks Amy… They are so great, i’ve binge listened this week! And yes, our should’s can be completely unrealistic and contradictory alot of the time!