Hi, my name is Emma, and I am a writer.
But, this week, I am suffering from a major case of Imposter syndrome (an internal experience of intellectual phoniness). I’ve been telling myself over the past month or so “I’m a writer!”. Not that I want to be. I am. After-all, this is what all the pro’s suggest you do. Jeff Goins has stated that he didn’t make any progress with his writing until he starting telling himself he was a writer. He didn’t take into account that he’d never been published, or even written a book! But he got himself in the right head space (like creating good habits around writing)… and low and behold, several years later he is still a writer, and now has five best sellers, and his audience is in the millions.
I know I have stories to tell, experiences to share, a message to bring. But every day I ask myself, who am I to do this? Sure, I have some qualifications that will help me. My Masters in Psychology has helped hone my research and writing abilities, and the content of my study will inevitably be useful in what I want to write on. But… there are so many other people out there writing on slowing down and being more mindful. These people have years of experience in actually practicing what they preach. I, on the other hand, struggle on a daily basis to live a fraction of what I believe in. And they are essentially saying the same things that I am. So, I’m not unique… and my message will get lost in ether of the internet.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been mindless and hurried this week. The result has been a grumpier me, with lots of swearing under my breath, zero patience with my kids, and a near miss when I almost ran a red light! Ugh. This slowing down, living mindful stuff is hard work y’all!
But here’s the thing, the snippets of time where I’ve managed to achieve a more mindful existence have proved incredibly valuable. And it’s a message I have a passion to share. I really believe that a consistently slower, simpler and more mindful life results in a happier, more content and connected life. My belief and passion drive me to share.
Also, I know I’m unique, so let’s stop that thought in its tracks! Sure, my message may be similar to others, but my delivery and experiences that narrate my message are different.
Imposter syndrome can be really nasty, and rear its ugly head in almost any situation in life.
Who are you to think you can speak in front of a crowd?
Who are you to think you can draw/paint, create… there are so many other artists
Who are you to think you can sing or play that instrument… there are so many others that do that better!
Even being a mum is not safe from this. This week (actually, lots of weeks), in all my harried interactions with my children, I’ve felt phony, like I don’t belong. I play the comparison game and allow myself to believe I’m just not cut out for this.
Except I’ll keep trying to be a better mum, and i’ll get better, every day. One foot in front of the other.
And i’ll keep writing, and i’ll keep telling Imposter Syndrome where to go…
(Maybe you need to tell it where to go too?)
I may not get published, and I may have to clean toilets to make ends meet…
I am a writer, hear me roar!!