It was a tough decision. I never imagined I would quit. Long years slogging away at my degree(s), a rare job opportunity that I couldn’t let pass me by. It all seemed perfect. Until it wasn’t.
It all seemed perfect until the day I sat in the car outside of work, tears running down my face, unable to move. Unable to function. Completely spent with not an ounce left to offer work, let alone my precious family.
So I did something I never imagined I would. I did something completely contrary to the way I’d been raised. I quit my dream job.
It wasn’t quite as rash as that sounds. I didn’t do it lightly, and I weighed the costs of both options.
Option A. Keep the job. Keep the stress. Continue down the road of mental, emotional and physical burnout. Risk losing everything in order to keep everything.
Option B. Quit, and go from two comfortable incomes to one. Risk not being able to pay our mortgage.
Each option presented its own benefits and risks. Each option would require more bravery than I felt capable of. But I had to make a choice. An unwavering commitment to one or the other.
Ultimately I know that I chose my wellbeing and my family over money and possessions. And I haven’t regretted it for one moment.
- I lost my job but I’ve gained an extra 6,300 hours with my youngest daughter before she starts school.
- I lost my job but gained my mental health, reducing my anxiety medication to a bare minimum over the last 9 months.
- I lost my job but gained a sense of peace and contentment I’d rarely felt before.
- I lost my job but found a way to live that wasn’t ‘crazy busy’ all the time.
- I lost my job but found that a life worth living that didn’t hinge on fancy-sounding titles or wealthy bank balances, or overflowing calendars.
I lost my job but found myself.
What decisions are you facing?
I’m wondering if you have something that you are deciding whether to walk away from or persevere? Do you give it all you have or take a different route? The red pill or the blue pill?
There’s no easy answer. The decision ahead of you is tough. It will require bravery. Heck, it may be the bravest decision you ever make in your life.
But what if you found your life in the process?
Most of us know what the right decision is. If we really tune into ourselves we probably intuitively know the best path.
It’s not the knowing that’s hard, it’s the doing.
Two mindset shifts to help you make hard decisions;
Mindset # 1 – Ditch rational choice and listen to your instincts
Sometimes difficult choices mean we need to research our options. We need to lay out all the facts in a logical, rational fashion so we can weigh things up. We need to tap into the wisdom of family and friends. But what if there was another way? Because what if you can’t hear your true self, your unconscious self, with all that extra noise.
(Who did I just lose referring to my unconscious self :p Let me back myself up friends).
Several studies over the past decade have shown that decisions made by the unconscious brain outperform those made by rational choice. Essentially, there is evidence that going with your gut instinct is likely to result in the best decision.
By all means, do the homework, but spend some time in silence, tuning into your gut too.
Mindset #2 – Don’t get stuck thinking there’s a right or wrong decision.
Life isn’t as black and white as it’s made out to be. Grey is perfectly normal and acceptable. And sometimes option A is no better than Option B, it’s just different.
It’s the commitment to one OR the other that makes it the right choice for you.
The concept of no absolutes is hard to grapple. I struggle with it daily. But think about a simple choice. It doesn’t matter what brand of milk you choose, right? Essentially they will do the same thing. They’ll taste the same, look the same and cost similar. There’s no right or wrong choice for something as trivial as milk choice. Why? You’re not emotionally invested in one milk brand over the other.
But what if your decision has huge emotional consequences? Like leaving a job? Or leaving a partner?
Professor Ruth Chang proposes a five-step process for tough choice making.
- Figure out what actually matters when it comes to choosing your options. Do you care about the taste of the milk? Or that one brand will stay fresh for longer? Or do you care about having the most expensive brand? (If you don’t decide this now it may lead to wavering between options later).
- Make your pros and cons list for each choice We are still being logical and rational here. This second step is where most people stop.
- Recognise that these two options will BOTH have good and bad points or consequences. When there are emotions and values involved we cannot compare the two options in a scientific manner the way we would compare two brands of milk. It’s not possible.
- Make a commitment to one or the other decision. This is it baby! This is where the rubber hits the road. It’s the most difficult step. But by doing this, by making a choice and a commitment you are CHOOSING your own path. Which leads to the fifth step…
- Chang explains that this step is the forging of your path. It’s the making of your identity. It’s taking responsibility for your commitment and choice and creating yourself.
I think that Chang’s theory and steps give incredible freedom and power to us. They enable us to let go of perfection and embrace the grey that life offers us every day. It also means that we get to be the authors of our lives. We choose to take responsibility.
If you have a tough decision ahead of you, I would encourage you to try one of these mindsets as you approach it.
And as always, I’d love to hear how you get on. You can leave a comment here or message me on Facebook.
