On being content (when all you want is more)

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One of the biggest roadblocks to living a slower, simpler pace of life is discontentment. Wanting more leads to a constant state of neediness. We feel unsettled, unhappy, and the urge to join the masses in the fast lane becomes irresistible. But what if we could turn this around? What if being content is easier than we actually think.

This week, after a couple of disappointments, I found myself feeling very unsettled. I felt grumpy and discontent with what I had. Which in retrospect is pretty silly because what I have is a heck of a lot of awesome. But for whatever reason, I found myself stuck in this horrid place for a good 24-36 hours.

These disappointments were situations that were completely out of my control. External forces that I let affect my internal focus of attention. And once these feelings of discontentment got in, they seemed to multiply! Soon it wasn’t just these two particular disappointments that plagued me.

Things I haven’t done… yet

My book isn’t written and it’s not even close to the first draft being finished. But of course, I want it done and published yesterday. So I began to make ridiculous (unslow) goals to get that draft finished.

I began the year hoping that by my 40th birthday (3 months away now) I would have another ultramarathon under my belt. Tendonitis in both my knees over the last 4 months has made any kind of running impossible, let alone the mileage I’d need to complete another ultra.

So there they were. Four things, undone. Four disappointments.

But this is life right? Life is jam-packed with disappointments. If we are really really honest, does life ever work out exactly the way we hoped or wanted?

In the past, this feeling of discontentment and fear of further disappointment is what has kept me busy. It’s almost like these feelings kept me hostage, in a perpetual state of hurry, rush, overwhelm and stress.

It’s time to draw a line in the sand.

Because I’m completely and utterly sold on the benefits of a slower life, I no longer have room for these feelings. But when these feelings have taken up space in your life for decades, it takes awhile to send them on their merry way.

Going slower and giving up the fast lane begins with contentment with what we already have.

Three things you can do to feel more content

Gratitude journal

Being grateful is invites the opposite of discontentment to live in our hearts. And since they can’t occupy the same space, discontentment is sent packing. I started a gratefulness practice at the start of this year. Most night, I pick up my journal and write down three things from my day that I’m grateful for. Interestingly, as I pondered on my period of discontent, I realized that my gratitude practice had dwindled to nothing over the past month.

Action: Start today. Grab a notebook and pen and go put it by your bed. Now. Spend 3 mins tonight after you climb into bed thinking and noting down what you are thankful for.

Example (entry from my journal a few months ago):

Today I am grateful for time spent with a beautiful friend over luscious coffee.

Fantial visitors in the garage!

No big arguments from the girls :p

Gratitude and grace

Take an inventory of what you have

Think about what is already in your life. Just like you would do a stocktake, meticulously go through the items in your life (both tangible and intangible). Sometimes we don’t know what we have until we take a moment to pause and consciously notice.

Action: Take a physical stocktake. Get out that pen and paper and write down 10 things you have. Bonus points for it being related to your current area of discontentment.

Example:

I have 17,885 words towards my manuscript.

I have an amazing computer program to help me put the manuscript together.

I have loads of great research and resources.

I have building motivation and momentum.

I have time to write.

I have the skillset to complete the project.

I have relationships with people whom I can draw on for the skills I don’t have.

I have inspiration!

I have a bunch of incredibly supportive people cheering me on.

I have three more months to get to my goal :p

Get in nature

I find that when I’m immersed in the great outdoors I naturally feel more content. Nature itself is content. It doesn’t rush, it waits patiently for each season, knowing it must first go through the current one. This contentment has a magical way of rubbing off on us if we let it.

Action: Find time to spend outside today. Even if it’s only 5 minutes. Take a moment to consider the enormity of the natural world. This ‘awe’ feeling is grounding and helps to bring ourselves out of our own little world and into the larger community.

Example: When I was walking the dog one night recently I saw the brightest shooting star I’ve ever seen in my life. The feeling of awe was all consuming and lasted for the rest of the evening. I also forgot about the technical problems I was having and the disappointment of not being able to do a Facebook Live. Suddenly, that seemed dull and unimportant!

Life is full of disappointments but how we react to them will be what shapes our lives, not the disappointments themselves.

So, friends, pick yourself up, brush off the discontentment. Choose to pick up gratitude and grace and begin again.

Nature is content