Busyness: The Drug I Was Never Warned About

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If I could have my time over and had the chance to give my 20-something-self a pep talk it would go a little like this. 

“Look hunny, you’ll drink a little too much a little too often, and you’ll try a few other things to ease the pressure and fill your cup, but the real problem, the real drug that you’ll struggle to give up, will be…. Busyness.”

Oh how I’d warn her. I’d look into her eyes and plead with her. Don’t take the red pill!! 

Sure, it seems perfectly safe and it’s not illegal. In fact, some people even wind up with badges, or certificates of importance after long explanations of how ‘crazy-busy’ they are. And the bonus? There’s plenty of self esteem for everyone driving in the fast lane!

So tempting. So easy? Just give a little, and give a little more. Practice your speech…

“How’ve you been?” 

“Oh my gosh, Soooooooooo busy, like you wouldn’t believe, I’ve barely had a moment to think this week and it’s not slowing down anytime soon! This week I’ve got X to get done and Y to deal with and then Z… shoot I nearly forgot about Z!

A hard withdrawal

For two years now I’ve called myself a ‘slow living ambassador’. I’ve spent large chunks of my free time writing and creating things to help spread the message. That I’m done with busy. And I’ve written all about why I think you should be done with it too.

But can I tell you something? I’ve only just realised that busy is actually like a drug that I haven’t yet withdrawn completely from.

(Before I’m called out for making spurious comparisons to very serious drug addictions, please hear me out. I’ve seen first-hand the awful consequences of addiction to Class A drugs so I have not taken drawing this comparison lightly).

The consequences of an addiction to busy

Overwhelm and stress are common consequences of being too busy. And it makes sense. These consequences are easy to understand. 

But I wish I’d been able to warn my future self of the other consequences. The more insidious ones that didn’t seem related at all.

Like the crippling stomach pains that sent me to A&E more than once.

Or the insomnia that made me think I was going crazy.

Or the panic attacks that made me think I was going to die.

And then there was the almost irreparable damage to important relationships.

All because I was addicted to busy. Busyness was the band-aid that I kept applying, over and over again, to a wound that didn’t want to heal.

Busy soothed me in a way that nothing else could.

I didn’t like being busy but I loved the immediate emotional effects. The chuffed up sense of importance and boost to my self-esteem. The way it made me feel wanted and needed. The busier I was the more sure of myself I became. 

I was rewriting the script I’d been born with. No longer an unwanted baby given up for adoption. I was ‘crazy-busy’, which basically equated to being invincible. Untouchable.

Maya Angelou said to her protege, Oprah Winfrey, “Once you know better, you do better”. 

I know better! In fact, I know the diatribe so well I can quote peer-reviewed research and quotes from well-known authors like Carl Honere, all espousing the risks of a busy life. And unfortunately, I know from experience all about the barrenness of a busy life.

But am I doing better?

I’m trying. I’ll be the first to admit, busyness is a hard drug to give up. 

Often disguised as other things too. Like charity, or serving. Or creativity. And even connection with friends and family. 

I can be incredibly busy and be doing all the right things for a ‘good life’. But all the while, I’m feeding my addiction. Making it harder and harder to figure out who I really am without it.

Who am I?

I am a creative, unique human. An introvert who loves spending time alone. I am a runner who prefers lonely trails and isn’t interested in races. I am a mother who struggles to find the balance between over-scheduling my kids and letting them find something they are passionate about.

I’m a helper. Someone who wants to see others succeed and loves lifting up like-minded individuals. I am a person who longs for long meandering drives into the country with no agenda. I like routine and order but I also love having space to be spontaneous. 

I’m a multipotentialite.

And without busyness, my soul gets to speak.

And here’s what she says.

“You are an extraordinary human being just the way you are”

Even in my busyness. Even in my desire and striving not to be busy. 

So I’ll stay on the long road to recovery. And I’ll keep spreading the message I believe in.

Let it go.

Leave it undone.

Linger longer.

Love louder.

Now it’s your turn

Take some time to think about who you are underneath all the busyness. Maybe it would help to discuss it with a friend or write it out like I have. You, my friend, are more than just a busy person.

What next?

If you are interested in joining me on this journey to live slower you might be interested in my upcoming course, The Slow Living Tool Kit: Regain a Sense of Calm in a Chaotic World.

I’m so excited to be partnering with a group of like-minded individuals to take concrete steps to unbusy our lives together. 

Get more info on the course HERE.